Tuesday evening, the baby was not kicking. She had not kicked in about nine hours, and April was growing concerned. She tried a warm bath, a sugary drink, a cold drink, a Mountain Dew, walking, sitting still, lying down, and playing music. We called her obstetrician’s office in Savannah; the answering service attendant and I … Continue reading The Worst, Best Day
Six weeks ago, I joked with a friend that I wanted to write a blog on 25 ways to survive a bad day. We agreed that it was “too morbid” for South Georgia–small towns being what they are, no one should ever admit that, sometimes, simply enduring is difficult. Now, of course, with my father’s … Continue reading 25 Things I Do To Survive Really Bad Days
December 2, 2018 Last night, I called my younger daughter, who is 1,001 miles away at college. She said that she was in the common room with her suitemates, and they were bonding, and I was glad because I think, in general, common rooms should be used more than they are. Somehow, they got to … Continue reading The Land of Before: The Thirtieth Year of Marriage
December 2021 My only C in college was in music appreciation (unless I also made a C in canoeing, which is, of course, entirely likely). I remember sitting in the hall before exams, index cards and highlighter in hand, trying to teach myself musical terms. It was impossible. Nevertheless, I love music. My favorite Pandora … Continue reading You Are Allowed To Try (for Twelve Years, If Need Be)
For almost twenty years, I have had a Mary Engelbreit calendar hanging in the same place in my kitchen. Tonight, as I stood washing dishes, I looked up and saw her succinct command: Give thanks. And I thought about the fact that I do give thanks. I know, I know, there are those of you … Continue reading Thankful for the Good (I wouldn’t even tell me what would happen to me)
I never intended to be a Cat Lady. I got my first cat in college–isn’t a pet on everyone’s first apartment checklist?–an ugly calico I named Temerity. Soon afterward, Timidity followed–a black longhair Persian mix, she lived to be eighteen. When Temerity died, Charlie followed. Charlie was gray and white, a misanthropic, fastidious cat who … Continue reading An Ode To Whiskey, My Feral Cat
Since my granddaughter Stephanie Grace ‘s 2016 stillbirth, I have been a member of a Facebook anencephaly support group. The women in this online community have endured heartbreaking losses after carrying their doomed children for months, knowing that there were no medical miracles, no last-minute rescues to be had. Under the worst duress, with their … Continue reading A Table in The Wilderness: The God Who Goes Before
I was muddled in the middle of class –I was explaining the sequence of the day’s tasks, and for just a second, I couldn’t get the words right. The students were patient. There was no teeth-sucking or eye-rolling. They just waited, and I was so thankful. “Guys,” I explained, “It’s like there’s a third of … Continue reading A Place Past the Wind
This blog was begun on December 19, 2019, and finished December 31. In early October, you couldn’t have told me that it could be like this. You couldn’t have told me that there was another realm of suffering: that past holding my lifeless stillborn granddaughter, past all the other suffering my little family has endured, … Continue reading The Grocery-Store Spectacle: Grieving my Father’s Death by Suicide
(Note: This is not to step on toes. This is to help me survive the grocery store. And any tragedy survivor’s inner circle should always ask–multiple times a day.) Five weeks ago, after Greg’s open-heart surgery, when he was housebound and didn’t really feel well, I would pick him up after work and we would … Continue reading Please: Don’t Ask How I Am (When You Know)
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